


PLUSH FOLLY

by FunkMcLovin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-07-08 19:44:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19875049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin
Summary: Rose Lalonde is changing. She is surpassing the limits of her aspect and transforming into her Ultimate Self, which should be good news for her friends and family. Unfortunately, it is giving the poor girl a bad case of... Incorporeality. Kanaya and Dirk will have to work fast to figure out a more permanent solution to house Rose's ever-expanding soul.





	1. Mannequin Conceptualizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen to this chapter here! <https://youtu.be/5VsvoNstWV8>

Kanaya Maryam was a weaver of threads, a maker of finements. She could craft anything and give it form, spinning materials with the grace given to her by years of perfecting her craft. Anything she made could be molded to spec based on any measurement given to her, and she had never failed in making a garment. Kanaya prided herself on being a "maker."

But she couldn't make her wife not be sick any more.

That task was outsourced to one Dirk Strider, who, after a strange dream involving a meal of meat and/or candy, was inspired to help the Lalonde-Maryams with their problem, a problem involving one half of the wifely pair outgrowing silly childish things such as... Corporeality.

Kanaya sat a the kitchen table, her eyebrows knitted into a look of worry. Her hands were clasped together, fidgeting, filling the room with nervous energy. Dirk seemed immune to Kanaya's nerves, but he looked no less dire. He was leaned faux-nonchalantly against the wall, trying his best not to seem like he was freaking out, but his tense shoulders gave him away.

Next to him, a door led into Kanaya and Rose's shared bedroom, where the sick Lalonde snoozed. Through the cracks in the door, light filtered, but it was not from any lamp. The silence was like a thick quilt. Finally, Kanaya broke it.

KANAYA: How Is She

The question was simple enough, but Dirk didn't have a concrete answer. He figured it didn't matter, Kanaya wouldn't be made any less nervous by anything he had to say.

DIRK: It's hard to say. She definitely still exists, that's for sure, and that's kind of the end goal.

He offered the dry report with as much optimism as he could. He continued, feeling her wait for him to say more.

DIRK: But she's stopped talking, now.

KANAYA: Oh God

KANAYA: That Does Not Sound Ideal

DIRK: Not so much. She's casting these wicked shadows and her eyes are glowing. Normally that would be pretty sick.

DIRK: Like our girl's the new avatar or some shit.

KANAYA: I Would Ask What That Is But I Am Frankly Somewhat Distraught Dirk

Kanaya's hand-wringing was audible, the sound of troll skin sliding against itself was the white noise symphony to the room just outside Rose's, where Dirk was treating her.

KANAYA: I Will Cut To The Chase

KANAYA: What Do We Have To Do To Save My Wife

DIRK: ...

Countenances didn't come more taciturn than Dirk's. His shades obfuscated two orange, tired eyes, but his exhaustion was palpable in every other facet of his visage. He sighed slowly, blowing air through his cheeks. Kanaya bristled. It didn't take much for nerves to twist into annoyance.

KANAYA: Dirk Please My Nerves Are Shot Enough Without Enigmatic Silences

DIRK: It's not easy to say.

KANAYA: Can We Not Build Her A Robotic Frame? Like In The Dream You Were Discussing With Us

DIRK: Not quite. The robot dampened her brains, which, while cute, doesn't sound like the ideal solution. Plus, the way she's developing, it's not even permanent, necessarily. We can't just siphon her consciousness into a robot, that's kiddie shit.

DIRK: We need something more... Lasting. We need a vessel that's more...

Dirk gesticulated vaguely as though trying to find the words to a sensitive topic.

DIRK: Paradoxically sound?

All of this went over Kanaya's head. She felt so useless. It was unfair that something so important to her was seemingly so out of her hands. She was used to fixing things, solving problems, she raised an entire mother grub for crying out loud!

KANAYA: I Do Not Follow

DIRK: We need to put her soul into something that isn't going to fall apart as soon as we stick her in it.

KANAYA: I Am Not Positive I Like Bandying About The Phrase "Sticking Her In It" With Regards To My Wifes Very Being, Dirk

DIRK: That's just it, though. It's her whole being, expanded into the Ultimate Self framework. Putting her into a robot isn't going to cut it. We need...

Dirk took a deep breath. His next words were not easy.

DIRK: A puppet.

Kanaya blinked. She squinted. Dirk had a penchant for stoic jokesterism at inopportune moments, sharing Kanaya's wife's habit for disingenuity, so Kanaya expected Dirk's face to crack at any moment. When it did not, she reiterated.

KANAYA: A "Puppet"

DIRK: A fucking puppet.

It didn't appear to Kanaya that Dirk was joking, and Dirk didn't look too pleased, either.

DIRK: Puppets are notoriously excellent vessels for holding essences. Remember Cal?

KANAYA: I Struggle Daily Not To

The thought of Lil Cal's little grinning face made Kanaya shudder. Dirk ignored her disgust and pressed on.

DIRK: He was a juju, but he was also a puppet, perfect for storing all manner of wicked bullshit inside, souls included. Rose should fit inside a puppet easy.

Kanaya swiveled in her seat, glaring at Dirk.

KANAYA: My Wife Is NOT Going To Be Stored In Your Awful Little Grinning Miniature Man Dirk Strider

Dirk held up his hands defensively.

DIRK: I'm not talking about Cal, I'm talking about a new puppet. I'll need some help making it, too.

That was... Sort of a relief? God, Kanaya was going to have nightmares about having to kiss Lil Cal, now...

KANAYA: I...

KANAYA: I Will Be Honest Dirk This Sounds Incredibly Stupid

KANAYA: But

KANAYA: I Want My Wife To Be Able To Live

Dirk chuckled, cracking the tiniest smile.

Kanaya crossed her arms. She didn't know what to think. Her wife's very existence was becoming fundamentally different, it had been in small ways for a long time, and on top of learning that the only solution for containing Rose's new powers was evidently a puppet, Dirk was chuckling at her.

KANAYA: Dirk Please We Discussed The Gravitas Here

DIRK: Sorry. I just get a kick whenever you say "my wife."

KANAYA: That Is What She Is

DIRK: I know.

Dirk had seen other timelines, of course, seen what became of Kanaya and her "wife." He had observed their love last even through unbelieveable adversity and he had seen it torn apart like wax paper with simple words. The desperation with which Kanaya said "My Wife" as though the two syllables were a life raft keeping Kanaya's sanity afloat was not lost on Dirk. In this timeline, things were different. He could see cracks forming between Kanaya and Rose, and he knew Kanya could feel them too. It probably didn't help that one of those cracks was now "being a puppet."

DIRK: We'll get your wife back, Kanaya.

Dirk spoke with a confidence he didn't know if he could back up. It didn't matter. He needed Kanaya in her best shape for this task, and he was willing to seem overconfident to make her feel better.

It was hard to keep herself from not breaking down a little, but Kanaya managed to only sniffle. She nodded as Dirk gave her the only encouraging gesture he knew: A solid fist-bunp, legendary, connecting their knuckles in unblemished tesselation.

DIRK: We need to work fast. Get your sewing kit and get the knitting needles. Basically just dump out your crotchety grandma basket. Upend that shit, Kanaya, you're going to sew your fucking wife a god damned body.

DIRK: Also fuck off, Cal is the man.

Kanaya indeed "upended her grandma basket," arranging the supplies in an orderly pile on the kitchen table. She made it her desk, her bastion against Rose's illness. Dirk dove back into Rose's room to deal with her expanding consciousness while Kanaya grappled with the task at hand. Rose could not inhabit just any puppet. It had to be perfect, it had to be hand-crafted. If she was going to complete this ludicrous task, she had to take it seriously. Kanaya could not merely go to the store to purchase some meaningless felt vessel for her immaculate wife, she was going to make it herself, from scratch, no matter how dire the timing was.

Kanaya began to furiously sketch into the night, staving off sleep with the age-old stimulant: Determination.

Dirk's voice rang in her mind. "We'll get your wife back."

There was a note of relief in Kanya's efforts. She wasn't useless any longer, no longer some hand-wringing wife. Finally, Kanaya had a hand in Rose's recovery. She was a "maker," and she would do what she did best: Make. She would make her Rose her very own body.


	2. Vacillations of the Imminent Marionette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya works on Rose's new body. Dirk discusses the Ultimate Self with Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to this chapter on Youtube! <https://youtu.be/-HoxQbnpsMk>

If circumstances were different, Kanaya might enjoy this. Carefully crafting a body for Rose, choosing fabrics and textures to compliment an appearance her wife might like... It was like a twelfth perigee's gift. Under the gun of a timer and with so much at stake, however... Kanaya felt differently. It was a pressure she'd never felt in her life.

On top of that, Dirk refused Kanaya entry to Rose's room, preventing any possible feedback from Rose and causing Kanaya's legendary fussiness to kick into overdrive. Kanaya thought to herself as she sewed orange felt togehther if she would ever see her wife in the flesh again.

She recalled their last meeting, after Rose had fallen ill but just before she'd begun... Glowing.

Rose and Kanaya were calmly holding hands in their bedroom, Kanaya quietly reading, Rose laying still on her bed.

Kanaya was no stranger to pressure. It was always pushing down on her, burning buildings down, putting people on the streets. Hatching a new mother grub, of course, was the most pressure she'd ever felt, but still, that was a pressure that seemed to go over her head. It was about species perpetuation, an abstrat concept. No less vital, but still impersonal, affecting the generations to come after her.

Building Rose's body, on the other hand... That was a pressure that was squarely on her shoulders. It felt like everything was at stake, and even through Kanaya's weary experience with immense soul-rending pressure, her sewing hand shook a little as she worked.

ROXY: hows she coming? :0

Roxy leaned over the back of Kanaya's seat, watching the concerned troll work. Kanaya made a noise of alarm.

KANAYA: GAH!

Kanaya's hand slipped, prodding the needle into her finger. Jade-colored blood stained dark purple fabric.

KANAYA: Roxy Please  
KANAYA: This Is The Most Important Work Of My Life Do Not Sneak Up On Me

Kanaya's voice was strained and angry, jam-packed with stress, each word bursting with her enormous sense of pressure. Roxy didn't seem to share the feeling, smiling broadly, one of her mutant kittens perched on her head like a parrot on a pirate.

ROXY: ok!! jeez okay sorry kanaya  
ROXY: its just kinda exciting yknow  
ROXY: rose is really gonna be okay and its all thanks to u :)

Those shaky hands grew a tad less shaky. Kanaya had been about to demand Roxy leave, but there was something about her words that soothed the jade-blooded lover girl, gave her pause.

KANAYA: Yes Well  
KANAYA: Dirk Has To Hold Up His End And Bind Her Heart To This Vessel  
KANAYA: This Puppet Will Be Her Body  
KANAYA: It Is A Great Big Stinking Deal

ROXY: pffff sounds great imo  
ROXY: livin in a robot or puppet bein able to pick another bod whenever i wanted

KANAYA: Yes I Could See The Appeal  
KANAYA: But This Body Will Be Her Body Permanently  
KANAYA: Moreover It Is Her Ultimate Vessel So It Will Contain Rose As She Is... Truly

ROXY: :0

KANAYA: Whatever That Even Means

Fuck. There come the nerves again. Kanaya got back to work, sewing and cutting. She'd never made a puppet before, but she had every requisite skill, of course, a true tycoon of textiles. So far, the product looked abstract. It was piles of stuffing, purple fabric, black fabric, carefully selected to spec to adhere to Rose's color pallete, gold string, everything Kanaya had spared no expense to gather. Roxy sensed the air in the room cooling again, so she hastily spoke.

ROXY: wtf is an ultimate self any fuckin way  
ROXY: seems like  
ROXY: kinda dangerous if rosie is anything to go by

KANAYA: Yes Well Rose Is A Special Case

ROXY: oh thank gog  
ROXY: i was afraid wed all have to be stuffed in puppets  
ROXY: heheh... stuffed... puppets...  
ROXY: dont tell dirk i said that he will get IDEAS lmfao

Again, Roxy's words soothed Kanaya a little. Kanaya idly wondered if Roxy had any idea of the kind of pale flirtation she was making at present, or what Rose might think of it, if anything. She decided to be glad for it.

KANAYA: Heh  
KANAYA: I Doubt You Will Need A Puppet Body, Roxy, But... Perhaps I Will Make One Just To Be Safe

Roxy giggled, leaning on the back of Kanaya's work chair.

ROXY: if anyone could do it its you  
ROXY: im serious youre sorta like  
ROXY: BUILT for this like its ur destiny

KANAYA: Oh God  
KANAYA: I Do Not Know About That

Still. Kanaya cracked a smile. It did seem like her destiny, delivering a body unto Rose, who needed one to house her very being. It was like all she'd trained for would pay off now. Roxy seemed satisfied with a job well-done. Kanaya no longer looked as though she was about to snap off a broom handle with her stress-clenched asscheeks.

ROXY: hey ill have callie bring us a pizza!

KANAYA: Oh Goodness Yes Please  
KANAYA: I... Have Not Eaten Yet  
KANAYA: But Please Do Tell Her Not To Put Any Candy On It

As Kanaya worked, Dirk had his own job to do. He sat by Rose's bed, watching her carefully. It was boring as shit, if Dirk was being quite honest, but keeping her grounded in reality was job number one, of course, the more time he could buy Kanaya the better. If Rose slipped away into whatever ephemeral void she'd been evaporating away into lately, it was all over.

A body stirred next to Dirk. Thank god, finally something to DO around here. Rose groaned, opening her eyes, which were glowing a bright yellow light, obfuscating her pupils. Good thing Dirk wore shades. To his surprise, Rose opened her mouth, croaking.

ROSE: Mm. It is getting worse.

DIRK: Is it really "worse?" I always felt like it was "different."

ROSE: Yes, well, not all of us were blessed with such a smooth transition into our ultimate selves.  
ROSE: Nor were you gifted the boon of incorporeality.

Rose reached for the water on the bedside table. Her hand slipped through it like she was a ghost. Dirk grabbed the water instead, inviting Rose to sit up so he could help her drink.

DIRK: It will be, you know.

ROSE: Will be what?

Rose sipped as Dirk helped, watching him, or at least he assumed she was watching him. He couldn't see her pupils and he was suddenly struck with the feeling that that must be how people felt when he watched them.

DIRK: It will be different.

That much should have been obvious, but there was a weight that they both understood to his words. Dirk then opened his mouth to ask the question he and Kanaya had both feared the most, for different reasons.

DIRK: Are you sure you even WANT a new body?

ROSE: I do not know.  
ROSE: Perhaps... I just want to keep my options open.  
ROSE: Or... Keep her busy.

Rose glanced towards the door that led into Kanaya's makeshift office.

ROSE: In case I really do fade away.

DIRK: In case?

ROSE: Yes. If we can't stop it in time.

Dirk paused for a moment. He was tired of this game. His Ultimate Self had manifested very differently, more based in awareness, but he was no less irked by Rose's charade.

DIRK: We both know that's up to you.

The room was still and silent, the water cup deposited back on the table. Rose swallowed. None of the water made it down her throat, it was now leaking out of her semi-incorporeal neck onto the pillow beneath her.

ROSE: "Kind of" is the opportune phrase, I think.  
ROSE: We are not offered choices like this often in Paradox Space, ones where we are free to dictate our- Ah...

Rose winced. Shadows around her danced in unnatural tendrils, the broken light in the room buzzing and flickering. Dirk moved closer to her side.

DIRK: Hey. Take it easy. No philosophizing right now.

Dirk eased her onto her back. The sheets sat midway through her transluscent torso. She looked up with a weak expression. Her body wasn't obeying her commands any more, it was far too weak to follow the orders Rose had to give it. It was too weak to hold all of her in.

ROSE: How... Long?

DIRK: Not long at all.

ROSE: Do not tell her I'm having these thoughts, Dirk, please.

Rose's eyes, bright and shimmering, were pleading. Rose had felt the same cracks Kanaya was feeling, and it showed on Rose's tentative expression.

DIRK: You're the boss. I just think you need to think about this.  
DIRK: You're going to reach a precipice soon. One where there will be no one left to understand you.

Rose knew the "no one" who Dirk meant. She could see how solitary Dirk had become, how alone he looked, standing over her, arms crossed. She could feel her distance growing, too, between everyone. She was experiencing things she could never describe, an increase of awareness that was beyond words, beyond the need to share with others, beyond the scope of anything she'd experienced before. It was hers, but she was alone. Dirk put a hand on her shoulder.

DIRK: Because every one who understands is IN you.  
DIRK: You'll feel apart. And if I put you in a new vessel, you'll still feel that apartness. You'll be stuck here, on earth, forever, probably. So close and so far from everyone you love.

Dirk's voice was distant. He wasn't just addressing Rose, now, his voice was too bitter for that. Rose was being offered a choice that Dirk would have happily taken, but for some reason, without a puppet, he persisted where she was moving on. Why did she not want to move on? Why was he not allowed?

DIRK: You'll drift.  
DIRK: I've been drifting for longer than you have, Rose, and it's not a walk in the fun happy playtime park.

Rose said nothing. Somewhere among Dirk's speaking, she'd fallen asleep again. It was for the best, Rose knew all this by now, and Dirk reiterating was really more for his own desperate musings. He knew what Rose would choose, in the end, anyway.

He wondered what he was more envious of, the fact that Rose had something to live on for in this world, or that Rose was being offered a choice to go at all.

Back in Kanaya's office, where pizza was en route to, the puppet was beginning to take shape. Roxy raised her eyebrows, the cat having migrated onto the desk, toying with some thread.

ROXY: wow  
ROXY: thats a big puppet

The body was not finished, the body had not taken shape yet, but Kanaya nodded.

KANAYA: Yes Well I Cannot Make A Puppet As Big As She Is Presently But I Can Make One Fairly Large

Roxy found incredible amusement in this.

ROXY: hehehehe imagine lil tiny ultimate rose floppin around

Roxy giggled again. Kanaya envied her ability to be so tickled. She might have been, too. Roxy squinted, looking closer.

ROXY: this kinda looks  
ROXY: familiar actually

Kanaya lifted a piece of cloth up, stretching it over cardboard to form Rose's mouth in a flapping v-shape.

KANAYA: Yes It Is Based On An Earth Design  
KANAYA: By One Of Your Old Earth Media Ideologues

Roxy blinked.

ROXY: wut

Kanaya frowned. She hoped the homage wasn't lost on Roxy- Was the replica not close enough? She paused, biting her lip.

KANAYA: What Does It Look Like To You Roxy

ROXY: um it looks liiiiike  
ROXY: i dunno!

Roxy DID know. If she was right in her assumption, she would have trouble keeping a lid on her amusement, so she played dumb, praying Kanaya wasn't doing what she thought. Kanaya huffed, holding up one of Rosepup's felt hands.

KANAYA: You Truly Have No Idea?  
KANAYA: Roxy The Man Was A Legend On Your Planet  
KANAYA: He Single Handedly Ended Adolescent Ignorance And All War And Brought Entertainment To The Masses During His Sermons

Roxy did a double-take.

ROXY: wh  
ROXY: sermons?!

KANAYA: Yes!! Roxy, God! Have You Never Seen The Muppet Sermons?  
KANAYA: Have You Truly Never Experienced Jim Henson?


	3. The B Plot, or, "In Which Davekat is Teased"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat has to adjust to new duties while Kanaya is away from the broodcaverns.
> 
> LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE ON YOUTUBE: <https://youtu.be/u_-8A9JZ-j0>

Deep under the crust of the planet lay Kanaya's profession. She did not do her job for money, nor accolades, but for the perpetuation of her very species, tending to the mother grub was her life's work, her passion. That is, it WAS until Rose became sick.

Presently, the broodcavern where the mother grub sat was a hectic place.

KARKAT: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS BULLSHIT.

DAVE: i think its kind of cute

KARKAT: CUTE, HUH. I'M SURE IT'S ADORABLE, BEING COVERED HEAD-TO-FOOT IN THE SLIME THAT COMES OUT OF EVERY END OF THAT HEINOUS BEAST.

DAVE: i mean of anyone else you are kind of the most qualified to deal with shitty troll caterpillars  
DAVE: you made all the rest of your troll buddies back in the game right

KARKAT: THAT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, NOT TO MENTION EQUALLY HORRENDOUS. ECTOBIOLOGY IS A SENSITIVE, TIME INTENSIVE CRAFT. BIRTHING "SHITTY TROLL CATERPILLARS" IS AN EXCERCISE IN EXCRUTIATING DISGUST.

DAVE: haha that should be on the fucking job pamphlet  
DAVE: seeking applicants for an excercise in excrutiating disgust

Karkat, despite his complaining, had been covering for Kanaya in the broodcaverns. He was not nearly as competent at meeting the mother grub's needs, but he did have help in the form of Dave and the various assistants Kanaya had left. It was a lot of pressure, and if there was one person who didn't deal well with pressure, it was Karkat.

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M SUPPOSED TO DO. IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST SAY, "SORRY, KANAYA, I CAN'T ALLOW YOU TO DEAL WITH THE DE-REALITY-ING OF YOUR OWN WIFE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS STUPID JOB, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S KIND OF A HOT LOAD THAT I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DO THIS.

DAVE: youd think she would train like  
DAVE: a protegee

KARKAT: I THINK SHE IS, BUT SHE HASN'T HAD TIME FOR HER TO... MATURE.

Karkat cast a sideways glance at Swifer Eggmop, the caverns' resident janitor and executive assistant. Swifer was currently doing what she did best: Swiffing. At least the caverns were spotless in spite of the desperate hectic nature of it all.

KARKAT: I JUST HOPE SHE'S BACK SOON. THERE'S SHIT NO ONE CAN DO IN HER STEAD. THE MOTHER GRUB KNOWS NONE OF US ARE THE REAL KANAYA, AND SHE REFUSES TO LAY ANY GOD DAMN EGGS UNTIL MARYAM RETURNS.

DAVE: shit really  
DAVE: not a single clutch  
DAVE: not one ovum

KARKAT: DON'T BE REPULSIVE.

Dave's job in the caverns was primarily moral support for Karkat. Dave had demonstrated his lousiness at any sort of troll-rearing on his very first attempt to help, dropping an entire clutch of eggs when he tried to adjust them in his arms for a selfie. Since then, he had been sent to the sidelines to keep Karkat from flipping his lid.

DAVE: i hear jane is coming to visit soon too

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST, DON'T REMIND ME. LET'S HOPE KANAYA IS DONE BY THAT POINT. IF JANE SEES THE PLACE IN SHAMBLES LIKE THIS IT'S GOING TO CONFIRM EVERY SHITTY RUMOR SHE'S BEEN SPREADING ABOUT TROLL REPRODUCTION.

Dave shifted. Karkat gave him a knowing, annoyed glance.

KARKAT: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING "ECONOMY," DAVE?

DAVE: shut the fuck up dude i have some well documented qualms with janes business practices  
DAVE: but ill spare you because im a good friend who listens to his buddies when theyre having troubles

The words "friend" and "buddy" seemed to hang in the air. Karkat met Dave's eyes behind those shades. They looked away from each other quickly, Karkat hastily coughed, stammering.

KARKAT: W-WELL EITHER WAY, JANE IS ACTING MORE UNRULY THAN THE MOTHER GRUB ON HER MOST IRATE DAY AND I'M GLAD DIRK IS TALKING SOME FUCKING SENSE INTO HER.

DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: i feel like the man feels responsible

KARKAT: WELL SOMEONE OUGHT TO TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY. PEOPLE DON'T GET XENOPHOBIC BY ACCIDENT, DAVE.

DAVE: thats the thing though  
DAVE: when jane was a kid apparently she was fuckin all kinds of assaulted by the batterwitchs fucked up mind control shenanigans  
DAVE: so ironically  
DAVE: a troll is to blame for janes troll xenophobia i guess

KARKAT: I'M SORRY. DID YOU JUST REFER TO SPACE TROLL HITLER'S DEVASTATING REIGN OF TERROR ON MY PEOPLE AND YOURS AS "SHENANIGANS?"

DAVE: haha i guess i fuckin did

Karkat sighed. He looked back at Swifer, who gave him an enthusiastic thumbs-up. Dave slouched on the office sofa, watching Karkat blankly, as he always did.

KARKAT: WHEN IS JANE COMING DOWN?

DAVE: day after tomorrow

Karkat raked his claws down his face. He slouched next to Dave, gritting those sharp teeth. Dave had the urge to put his hands on Karkat's shoulders to maybe rub some tension out that the guy was clearly keeping in there.

KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

Dave swallowed. Karkat coughed again. Dave's massage thoughts fled his brain. Karkat regretted exploding like he had.

DAVE: let me and dirk worry about the jane shit you just fret over the mother grub  
DAVE: look just worry about extracting some ovum from that unruly worm okay dude

KARKAT: OH  
KARKAT: MY GOD  
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A PASS BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS SHIT BUT IF YOU EVER SAY THE TWO WORDS "UNRULY WORM" IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN I WILL PERFORM A CITIZEN'S ARREST.

DAVE: snrk  
DAVE: my sentiment stands  
DAVE: kanaya will probably be back at it way before then no big d

Karkat sighed, fighting the urge to lean against Dave's soft shoulder. Dave, next to him, was currently resisting the same urge. The two of them sat in semi-comfortable yet rather tense silence for a few moments.

DAVE: oh yeah  
DAVE: did you hear

Dave turned to Karkat, breaking the silence, much to Karkat's appreciation.

DAVE: rose is a puppet now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No art for this one. Since this isn't strictly puppet-related.


	4. The Effigy's Bastille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose's condition is getting worse, and worse still, she's gone missing.

When Kanaya finished Rose's body, she looked at it, completely dumbfounded. A lifeless puppet looked back at her, its plastic eyes gazing softly at Kanaya, its felt body leaning limply on the table. Kanaya covered her mouth with one hand, a worried expression on her face. Roxy stood by, fidgeting with her nails. She was a little nervous, as Kanaya hadn't said anything in minutes. Roxy decided to speak up after a tense moment.

ROXY: uh  
ROXY: kanaya you ok?

Kanaya whirled to look at Roxy, as if Roxy had snuck up on her.

KANAYA: Roxy  
KANAYA: Oh No I Am Fine

Roxy wasn't convinced.

ROXY: yeah well you look like ur about to fuckin cry lookin at that puppet

Kanaya *felt* like she was about to cry, biting down on her knuckle. The full scope of their situation weighed down on her like a ton of bricks, the realization that the love of her life was going to inhabit a fucking puppet was hard to bear and terribly surreal. It still all felt like some elaborate prank to her. Roxy decided to try to lighten the mood.

ROXY: i think she looks cute  
ROXY: she is gonna love it kanaya

Roxy's words were meant to sound encouraging, but they fell on deaf ears. Kanaya raked her hands down her face.

KANAYA: It Is Too Late To Consider Anything Else  
KANAYA: If Rose So Chooses This Will Be Her New Body  
KANAYA: And That Is All There Is To Say On The Matter

That phrase "if Rose so chooses" hung in the air. Dirk had been cagey about Rose's level of cooperation vis a vis puppethood. Kanaya hated that she couldn't interact with Rose, especially since the precious few times she saw her wife, she looked barely there, literally.  
Roxy placed a hand on Kanaya's shoulder. She knew when it was best to say nothing, so Roxy did. The nothing that she said was both poignant and touching, and the simple shoulder touch steeled Kanaya's nerves, causing her to rattle out a long sigh.

KANAYA: No Use Fretting Over This  
KANAYA: Roxy Please Tell Dirk The Puppet Is Done

A strange sense of finality struck Kanaya. Whatever was about to happen, everything was going to change, her idyllic life with Rose was over. As Roxy quietly left the room to inform Dirk of RosePup's status, Kanaya's jaw set. She had to believe in her wife, there was no use hemming and hawwing about this now.  
Roxy knocked on the door to the Lalonde-Maryam guest room where Dirk was staying. Dirk opened the door slowly, and before Roxy could speak, Dirk adjusted his glasses.

DIRK: It's time.

Dirk and Roxy marched into the living room, gathering both Kanaya and Rose's Felt Vessel. Dirk stood before the door to Rose's room, hand on the handle.

DIRK: Rose. We're coming in. It's time.

The voice Dirk chose betrayed none of the absurdity of the situation at hand. Kanaya sometimes suspected that Dirk saw none, that putting someone's soul into a puppet was perfectly acceptable as a means to keep a close good friend around. What a weird guy.

DIRK: Rose?

The interior of the room was silent. Dirk swallowed. The light that had been glowing under the door for weeks now was completely gone.

DIRK: Rose, ready or not, I'm opening the door.

With a flourish, Dirk swung the door wide, giving Kanaya and Roxy a view into the space. Dirk balked at the sight that greeted him. Roxy gasped and Kanaya made a strangled noise.  
The bed was completely empty.

DIRK: Uh oh.  
Dirk rushed to the bedside, knocking a glass of water onto the floor. Kanaya looked dumbfounded, shoulders slumping, eyes wide, gazing at the empty space.

DIRK: Fuck. Okay.  
DIRK: She said she was fine when I did a checkup this morning. More stable than ever. This can't be right.

Dirk wrenched the sheets off the bed, as if Rose would perhaps be crouching coyly beneath them in some gag. As the sheets fluttered to the floor, they found no Rose, but they did find... A piece of paper.

ROXY: what the  
ROXY: its a note

Roxy picked up the paper, unfolding it before Kanaya deftly snatched it from her hand, holding Rose-Puppet like a teddy bear to her chest. As Kanaya's eyes tore over the note, her face twisted into a variety of expressions, beginning with shock, moving to fear, ending with disgust. She clenched her fist, crumpling the paper in her hand, letting it flutter to the floor.

DIRK: Kanaya? What the fuck is that? Is that a note from Rose?

For the first time in a while, Dirk felt out of the loop. This was an unaccounted for variable, his least favorite thing! Kanaya turned around, her back to Roxy and Dirk, her voice packed with uncharacteristic disdain.

KANAYA: We Have To Find Jane

\---

The previous day had been a good one for Rose. She was even able to sit up in her bed without incident, talking and going so far as to laugh a few choice times. Dirk looked relieved, too, so much so that he decided to take a much-needed day off, at Rose's insistence. After his morning checkup, Dirk left the house to work on some of his own projects.  
Rose had hoped to visit with Kanaya during her good day, but unfortunately Kanaya and Roxy had both gone too, leaving a sickly Rose alone in the house.  
Around noon, Rose managed the strength to stand up. Her bathrobe kept falling off of her partially-corporeal shoulder, but just heading to the kitchen to fetch a drink of apple juice from the fridge was invigorating. Perhaps she wouldn't need a replacement body at all, Rose thought, struck with a surge of optimism. She chuckled as she watched the juice spill onto the tile floor, falling out of her translucent body.  
Rose was roused from her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door. Rose shuffled towards the front door excitedly, imagining Kanaya or Roxy or Dirk behind it, ready to wow them with her juice drinking and walking-around skills, but after a few clumsy attempts to grasp the door handle with ghost-hands, she opened the door to find...

ROSE: Jane?

Before Rose could offer, Jane stepped inside, a cheerful smile on her face. She wore her distinctive red suit and tie, looking the part of a sharp businesswoman like she always did these days. She talked quickly, fully the persona of a shrewd woman of capitalism.

JANE: Miss Lalonde! A pleasure to see you. I heard you were a bit under the weather, but you look right as rain, don't you?

Rose couldn't help but return Jane's eager grin. The woman was infectious.

JANE: Is your lovely wife at home, perchance, dear? I need a word with our resident troll-matron. Hoo hoo hoo!

Jane peeked around inside, looking for signs of the jadeblood.

ROSE: I'm afraid not, Jane, she went out with Roxy.

Rose's voice came in a croak, and Jane seemed to understand that Rose was feeling down so she didn't push the issue, lowering her voice, putting a hand on Rose's shoulder.

JANE: Sure, sure! Why don't we have a seat and I can wait for our mutual associate?

ROSE: Good idea.

The two women sat, Jane easing Rose onto the sofa gingerly.

JANE: Golly, they weren't exaggerating your case, were they, Rose?

ROSE: No, I suppose not. This is one of my better days, as a matter of fact, usually I'm completely bedridden.

JANE: Ahhhhh. That puts things into focus! After all, Kanaya has been AWOL in the broodcaverns for some time, I'd begun to wonder why.

Rose blinked, her brow furrowing. That was something she hadn't even considered, Kanaya had little time to deal with her other vitally important duties, being so busy with Rose.

ROSE: She... Has?

JANE: Heavens to Betsy, yes! It's an absolute commotion down there! Dave and Karkat are holding down the fort, but they're, er-

JANE: They're them! I just visited the duo down there, hoping to suss out some data on troll reproduction, but it's an absolute nightmare.  
JANE: Suffice to say it would be an excellent idea for her to get back to work as ASAP as possible!

Jane's words filled Rose with a wash of guilt. God, Kanaya had been pulled away from something she was so passionate about, something so much bigger than Rose. She wasn't sure if she should feel flattered or ashamed at being treated as more important than the reproduction of a whole race. Jane didn't appear to realize the effect her words had, as her smile didn't falter.

ROSE: I see.  
ROSE: That's. I did not know it was so bad down there.

Rose's body flickered a little. She suddenly didn't feel so good. Jane took note, brow furrowing.

JANE: Goodness, Rose, are you alright?

ROSE: I am fine, Jane.  
ROSE: In fact, could I ask you a favor?

JANE: Why yes, Rose, anything for a friend in need!

Rose shifted forward in her seat, her voice imploring.

ROSE: I need you to take me to the broodcaverns.

Jane looked doubtful, but far be it from her to call Rose's safety into question. If this girl wanted to go, Jane was compelled to comply, after all, the woman seemed ill! It would be uncouth to refuse the request of an ill woman.

JANE: Well, okay, Rose! If you're sure you're up for the trip. My car is just outside.

ROSE: If you could write Dirk and Kanaya a note for me, as well, that would be helpful. I would, but- My hands.

Rose waved her ghostly mitts for Jane. Jane giggled.

JANE: Of course!

Jane clicked open one of her trademark baby-blue pens, scrawling a note onto her notebook, tearing the page out.

"Dear friends. I have taken Rose. Never fear, she won't be gone long! I just need to borrow her for a little while. ;)"

Jane happily folded the note, placing it gently under Rose's sheets.

JANE: Let's be off, then, Miss Lalonde!

Rose nodded solemnly as she was helped to her feet and into Jane's car.

\---

Dirk held Jane's note, dumbfounded.

DIRK: What the fuck kind of smug bullshit is this?

He demanded, waving the note at Roxy. Roxy raised her hands defensively.

ROXY: i dont know!! maybe jane went off the deep end like in ur weird ass meat dream or somethin

DIRK: No. That dream didn't happen. It can't.  
DIRK: It can't.

Dirk wasn't so sure. He was not entirely sure what to make of this note. It sure as shit seemed pretty smug, and Kanaya seemed all kinds of peeved, already stomping outside towards Dirk's car, face twisted with anger.

DIRK: Shit. Kanaya, wait-!  
DIRK: Roxy, stick around here in case Rose comes back. If she does, call me right away.

Before Roxy could respond, Dirk trotted into the driveway, his lips set in a thin, pursed line.

KANAYA: We Need To Find Her Dirk

DIRK: I know. Just promise you won't do anything chainsaw-related once we find her. We have no idea what's going on.

Kanaya was eerily silent as Dirk opened the car door, unlocking it so Kanaya could slide into the passenger side. Dirk winced as Kanaya's horns scraped on the ceiling, but he didn't say anything. Kanaya's voice was just as grim as Dirk's expression.

KANAYA: How Do We Find Her

No sooner had she spoken, than in the distance, a large flash lit up the twilit sky. Dirk and Kanaya both looked at each other.

DIRK: I guess that answers that.

\---

Across town, Jane was freaking the fuck out. She'd been driving, chatting with Rose, when all of a sudden, the bitch started to glow! At first it had been a minor distraction, but over time it got so blinding that Jane had to pull over, unable to even face the glowing Lalonde in her periphery.

JANE: Jeepers creepers, Rose! What in blue blazes is going on?!

Rose's voice was an ominous, rumbling echo that reverberated so loudly that Jane had to holler to hear herself over. The car was so bright, Jane had to squeeze her eyes shut.

ROSE: I̶͓̥͉͚̳͖̊͌̎̋̑͠ ̶̡̛̫̜̋͠d̵͙̩̫̦̓̂o̶̘͕͝n̵̢̫͕̟̜͓̾̒'̶̦̊̓̓͆͆̉ţ̵̨̙̘̱̖̋͋̔̊ ̸̗̥̥̌k̵̡̩̜̠͙̳̏̈̿̕ñ̶̟̟̟̂̆̾͘̕o̸̹͂͘w̷̯̝̠̲̜̗͗ ̶̯̩͙̝̥̊͛̏̒w̶͉̉ĥ̷̖̯̰͚͍̇̋͝a̴̗̯͇̓ẗ̸̥̖̃͒̒͝'̵̻̯͛͛͌̑̃͠s̸͉̣̻̓͛̋̍ ̸̠̅́͝ḧ̴͈̫̳́̄͜ă̶͉̪̳͖̣̯͌̂̍p̶̛̬̎͒̋͌p̸̼̯͖̱̒̐͗̇̽͠ȇ̵̗͇̼̱̩̅n̷͈̤̗̟͗͠i̶͕̅n̶̢̙̳̎͆͋̑̎g̵̨̱͙͉̖͑.̸͚̮̣̲̓̃̊͝

JANE: WHAT?!

ROSE: Í̵̜̺͝ͅ ̶͖͚̿̐̃̾͋̓d̴̜̬͛̈́͛ỏ̸̟͇͈̒͗̚͘͘ņ̵̧̞̞̾̓'̸͎͓̩͕̩̳̓̄̓͝t̵̨̫̣̪͐ͅͅ ̶̳͍̈́ĥ̸̰̝̩͌̐̿̇͠a̷̡̮̤͆͋͐̆̅v̴̡̻̈́e̷̡̝̻̟̹̿͑͐̈́͜ ̵̳̮̠̘͋m̴̫̹͕̲̓͌͘ͅȗ̶̯̔̌͛͝c̷͖͛̓h̶̛̼̤̰̋͛ ̴̢̯̼̬͗̍͌̊t̴͈͓̝͇̂͗̐̀̕i̵̧̢̙͝m̴͉̘̑̋͋e̶͎̎̍͑̓̉̾.̴̨̢̛̯͙̥̼̔̀̿͠

JANE: WHAT ABOUT TIME?

Rose felt a pit in her stomach. At least... What felt like her stomach. She had a feeling that her whole body was numb, unable to feel anything below her neck. She could see just fine, though, her vision seeming to expand into wide-angle, her eyes glowing brighter and brighter. Jane couldn't take it any longer, shoving her car door open, spilling onto the pavement of the empty parking lot she'd pulled into.

JANE: ROSE!

ROSE: Ȉ̶̦̯̭̳̥̘̂̏ ̷̢̢̺͌̕͠s̵̛̗͛̀̕͝h̶̢͉̬͌͆̇̉͝ȍ̵͙̖̂̍ǔ̶̼̙̫͈͖̒͗̍͑ͅḽ̷͕̮̫̙̇̋̃̒̐͗d̵̺̰̏̂̇͘n̷̨͙̼̻̍̉̈́̉̑͝'̷̣̱͓̎̐̉͜t̵̥͚͙͔̜͗ ̴̬͙́̌̉̚͜͠͝h̷̙̞̤̫̉̐̃å̶̫̳͇̬v̵̲͙͔̄̉̓̆̏ë̷̥̹̥̪́̔̃̈́̉͛ ̴͖̤̋͗̔̌ͅľ̶̠̔e̶̹͈̪̲̯͑̂͘͠f̵̘̖̝̾̌̍̂͆t̷͚̝̙̖̅͊͑̅̕ ̷̛̜̌̋͗ţ̵̢͙̠̱̾͋h̴̙̺͉͔͆͑̉̉̈́ͅȩ̵̫͇̘͛̋̄ ̵̫̑̄̎͘h̶̨̡͍̣̙̚o̸͙̓͑̾̈́ũ̶̗s̴̲̗͎̙͓͑e̷͙̫̮̗͙̼͋͂̾!̶̺̐

JANE: Rose, I'm going to call Kanaya!

Jane shakily dialed Kanaya's number into her flip phone. She- Wait, seriously? A fucking flip phone? Without a keyboard, even? Jesus christ, Jane, get with the program. Jane dialed Kanaya's number on her ancient artifact desperately.  
In Dirk's car, Kanaya felt the buzzing, pressing the call button in a panic.

KANAYA: Rose?!

She pressed the reciever to her ear quickly, desperately, her grip tightening on the hug she was administering the Rose-plush.

JANE: K̵̟͚̃á̸̝̜̜̭͚̘͒͠͝n̶̗͔̣̐͌͛̂̒̄ȧ̴̰̫̘̾̚͘ỹ̴̲͙͇̕ả̵̠̺̲͐̋̏͊,̴̗̦̤̈́͆̊̄ͅ ̴̱̰̦̇̔į̴̜̳̫̱̰̈́̕t̷̮̺̂̒̈́̏͐̿'̸͍̮͇͈̯͍̒̒̕s̶͉͈̒ ̶̡͉͚̖̞̠̂̈m̵͉͎̈̌̉͝e̵̫͍͕̯͇̖͗,̸̪̫̭̺͑̎̏̚̕ ̵̡̘̬͕͉͆͘J̵͉̐̂͝a̴͍͐̂ͅņ̶̜̱͛͛͠ͅě̷̢̼̜̗͖́̈́̄̄͜.̵̰̖̆̎͂̅̏ ̶̢͙̻̥̩̏̃͐̇̀͝Ẏ̴̧̾̈́̚͝o̴̬͛͘͠u̵̼͓̺̳̠͌ ̸͖̫̞̽̇̓̕͝h̷̡̥̜̗͑͘a̴̪͓͇̘̾͊͊v̵̮̜͗̔̽͐̚ȩ̶͕͎̟͊͘ ̶̡̢͍̼̈́͐̂̈͂̕ṱ̶̡̣̗̻̾́͘ͅọ̵̮̼̉ ̷̧͎̼͙̺͔̾c̵̯̈̑̓̓̚ơ̷̼̏̃̇͑m̵̲͑͂e̸̟̦͔̫͔͛̂̋̅̿͝ ̸̰̮̒̿͗͜͝q̵̼͈̳͗̔̍u̴̜͖̫͂̆̚͝i̶̥̳͕͍̓̓̇ċ̴̪̤́̕k̸̛̝̹̠̟̬l̸͍̲̟̦̙̈́͐̓͝͝ͅy̴̧̟̫̳̜̍͌,̵̞̎̈́͐̊̈́ ̴̛͉͕͖̅͠R̶̫̍o̵͓͚͑́ş̸̛̰̤̈̋̄̓̆ͅè̵̪̲̓ ̷̪͓͖͎͂i̶͚̪͔͒̔ͅs̶̤̘̦̒̉̓̕͘ ̴̥͔̻̟̝̉̀ͅa̶͈̽̍̋͝b̵͕̮̍̅̔̈̕ṡ̸͔͉̎̾̏o̸̱̽̾l̷͕͇̩̈́̀ư̴̳̺̠̖̽̿̐̕t̷͓̤̠̯̓͊ḛ̵̪̟̿̒̔̈́̑l̵̼̑̀ỳ̶̥̜̫̲̞̓ ̶̻̗̰̠͉͉̽̎l̴̬̪͇̄̊͗͋̀o̷̱̥̝͔̞͛͑̔͐͝ṣ̴̡̠̝̫̽͜͠ĩ̷͉̞̩̪̉̕n̵̥̅̓̽̔g̵̤̈́͗̓ ̸͎̩̦̎̈́̇̉͘͠h̷̝̟̥̭͜e̵͙̺͙͙̊̈̏̀r̶̛̫͆̓͊ͅ ̵͎̄͒͋́̿͠m̴̲͔͓̣̿̐͋͜͜a̸͖͚͔̫̿͗r̵̨̠̈́̀͂͊̀b̸͕̈́͂͛̚l̵̬̻̆̔̈́̄̈́e̸̙̔̏͠s̴̖̝̫͈͊͐̑̇̾̌ ̶̰̆́̈́o̸͖͉̓v̶̥͍̦̰̜̾̔e̶̱̍ͅr̷̡̦͔͎̙̤͑͌́ ̴̧͇̍̇ḧ̵̨̖́̒̆ë̷̡̩́r̴̛̪͓̝͓̃̓̌͌̏e̴̢̪͓̼̞̯͑!̶̥̯͙̍͂͑̓̃͜

Kanaya recoiled from the horrid noise that came from her reciever.

KANAYA: Er  
KANAYA: Jane?  
KANAYA: Jane Where In Gods Name Have You Taken My Wife

JANE: G̵̨͕̾̍͂̓̿ř̸͉̣̒e̶̜̲̻͎̻̋̿̄̅͝a̵̰̓͗̃͑̂t̷͈͍͓̙̦͌̅̒̓͝ ̷͑̽̂͂̕ͅl̴͚e̴̖̼͍̍ͅa̶̯͖̦̩̞̕ṕ̸͔̞̮͍͗̓i̷̢̝̮̐̇̔̒̎̄n̷̯̩͍̳̅̕̚ǵ̶̜͇̭̫̯̅̈̏̾̽ ̴̼̃l̴̛̟̞̍ì̸̢̬͓̼̕̚z̸̢͓̙̜̱̅͛̈́̌̄a̴̗̯͙͒̈́̈́̈́͜r̷̨͉̩̚d̵͓̠̤̘̮̈́̂̆̏̌͘s̶̛̲̳̃͛̉!̸̧͓̀͐̌̃ͅ

There was a "crunch" on the other end and the line went dead. Kanaya stared at her phone, dumbfounded.

DIRK: Who was that?

KANAYA: Jane... I Think?  
KANAYA: I Could Barely Hear Her

Kanaya clutched her phone a little tighter, fretting and worry clear on her face. Dirk was starting to hate seeing that face, it made him feel so guilty.

KANAYA: What Is Going On Over There

DIRK: We're about to find the fuck out.

The scene Dirk and Kanaya arrived to was nothing short of chaotic. The orb of pure light surrounding Jane's car was like the time Jake had activated his hope-powers by mistake on the way to Dirk's beach house, but unlike that event, there was no lighthearted atmosphere.  
Kanaya nearly broke Dirk's car door bursting out of the vehicle, marching up to Jane, grabbing her by her suit collar, howling over the din of the whooshing kicked up by Rose's light-tantrum.

KANAYA: WHAT DID YOU DO?

Terrified and overwhelmed, Jane scrambled at the jadeblood's hands, trying to get free.

JANE: I don't have any idea!! She wanted to visit the broodcaverns and on the way she absolutely lost her consarned marbles!!

Kanaya squinted at Jane. The broodcaverns? Kanaya dropped the squirming human, Jane falling to the ground on her ass with an "oof." Kanaya didn't have time to deal with Jane. She marched grimly towards the glowing car, shielding her eyes from it, holding the Rose-puppet in her arms protectively. Dirk rushed to her side, hand on her shoulder.

DIRK: We have to do it right now.

Dirk's eyes were obfuscated, but it was clear what he was looking at, his face cast downwards towards the lifeless smile of Kanaya's puppet. Kanaya clutched the toy a little tighter, nodding slowly. She didn't want it to be like this. She'd wanted to say something to Rose before it happened, to be able to show her wife the fruits of her labor, not stuff Rose into a puppet in some parking lot.

DIRK: But first, we need to get her out of that car.

The voice Dirk spoke in was low and grim, barely audible over the sound of the commotion Rose was kicking up, the wind around the car howling, whirling and swirling around the light-orb.  
Some mortals had gathered at a distance, watching as one of their gods absolutely lost their shit in a parking lot.  
Inside the car, despite the commotion, Rose was surprisingly quiet. The world around her seemed to fade away as she looked out upon it, getting more and more quiet as the moments ticked away more and more slowly. Space seemed to become less and less real as each second eeked by.

ROSE: This is it, then.

Her voice made no noise, but it echoed in her own mind. Outside the car, she watched Dirk and Kanaya struggle to approach the car as the force of the wind blew them back. Rose felt so peaceful, like she was in a little pocket of void, floating gently, a sensory deprevation tank of pure, white light.

ROSE: I take a deep breath and slowly exhale it.

Rose takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it.

ROSE: I watch as Dirk and Kanaya struggle to get to me. They will not arrive in time.

Rose watches as Dirk and Kanaya struggle to get to her.

ROSE: Dirk's hand makes purchase on the car door to my right. He throws it open and it flies from its hinges. He tries to grab my shoulder, but it passes through effortlessly.  
Kanaya can barely look at me, the light coming from my body is far, far too bright. They are too late.

  
I finally understand what has been happening to me over the past weeks and months, ever since the moment I was made in that ecto-lab. My very own destiny. I watch the pained expressions on Dirk and Kanaya's face and feel remorse that I could never tell them what was really going on.

  
What I felt was not an affliction. Dirk had been right about that much, it was just a facet of my very being. A Seer of Light. Everyone born with powers like ours are destined to become one with them in unfathomable ways. To some, it happens effortlessly, like our Strider boys. For some the change is barely perceptible, like to Miss Maryam.

  
The Seer of Light, Rose Lalonde, was always destined for this, to go out in a blaze, a flash of light, sending her into the ether, making her one with all, a nirvana of knowledge, guiding her friends' hands as an unseen force. Light and luck and information, a being not of this world, not meant to be constrained to a singular body.

  
Kanaya throws Dirk the puppet. He manages to grasp onto the last ephemeral tatters of my real mass, causing me to float out of the car and into the air. As he does, the light subsides and the wind dies down. I float above them, my body shedding from my being like a snake discards its skin, a sad parting, but a necessary one.

  
Dirk is shouting to me.

  
"Rose, we have to do it now!" He bellows, his visage one of desperation, Kanaya's one of heartbreak just behind him.

  
I open my mouth.

  
"Dirk, I understand, now." I say. I am happy that I am given one last chance to speak my goodbyes before I walk confidently into the light. Dirk stares at me blankly. "I understand that this is what I must do. I have to leave you both, but please, understand that this is my choice. I want you both to be happy, please, I-"

  
Wait, what's Dirk doing with his hands? Wait, Dirk, no, that's not- OW!

Suddenly, electricity seems to arc from Dirk's hands, making contact with Rose's floating figure. He summons his god-tier regalia to him, his maroon pantaloons wrapping around his ass as he summons every ounce of his god-tier powers.

DIRK: FuuuuUUUUCK!

Kanaya cowers behind Dirk as Rose is yanked, eyes wide and pained, her body tugged and twisting in midair, Dirk's hand outstretched as if he's using sith lightning on the poor Seer. Kanaya can barely watch, but her dignity prevents her from looking away from the scene. Slowly, something peels away from Rose's body, a ghostly shadow of herself, her soul, manifesting as another Rose, a translucent silhouette, her being, her every memory, every thing Rose is, tugged away from her body by Dirk's powers. His face is screwed up in concentration.  
In his hand, he holds Rose-Puppet by the head, siphoning the lightning into it, and as he does, Rose's ghost compresses more and more into a single point of fine white light, inching closer and closer to the puppet.  
It's as though two magnets are being held pole-to-pole, the light doesn't seem to want to enter the puppet, but Dirk is forcing them together, groaning and shouting, bellowing from the strain, his eyes pouring with tears, a nosebleed breaking on his face.  
And then, suddenly, with a crack, with a resounding noise and a ripple of force that knocks Dirk, Kanaya and Jane onto their ass, Dirk lets go of the puppet, the toy falling limply onto the ground.  
Dirk hoists himself up with a groan, wiping his bloody nose with the fingerless sleeve of his god-tier robes.

DIRK: Uuuurgh...

Kanaya, next to him, leans, sitting upright, clutching her head.

KANAYA: Dirk.  
KANAYA: Did It-

Rose's original body is nowhere to be seen. It's completely gone, in its place a burnt scorch mark on the blacktop.

KANAYA: She Was Saying Something Before She...  
KANAYA: Did You Hear Her?

Dirk stood shakily, helping Kanaya to her feet.

DIRK: I didn't. There was no time. She was about to disappear.

Jane, across the lot, laid on her back, propped up by her arms, staring completely dumbfounded at the scene.

JANE: My car!

She wailed sadly, her impeccable whip having been disfigured by Rose's light-freakout. Dirk and Kanaya had no time for such things, approaching the puppet's seemingly lifeless body.  
To Dirk and Kanaya's amazement, the puppet twitched. It laid face-down on the ground, its body shifting slightly. Kanaya could barely move, her eyes filling with tears. The puppet stood, dusting off its little skirt, coughing. Its voice was the same as Rose's.

ROSE: Wh- What happened?

Rose-puppet turned to face Dirk and Kanaya, but before she could say a word, Kanaya swooped the puppet off its tiny mary-janes and into her arms. Rose's voice was clear and strong, nothing like her voice moments ago.

ROSE: Hahaha, Kanaya!  
ROSE: Goodness, what is going on?  
ROSE: Er- Why are you suddenly so large?

Kanaya could barely speak, setting Rose back on her feet, both of Kanaya's hands cradling Rose's face, kneeling to be on her puppet-wife's level. Rose blinked.

ROSE: Kanaya...? Dirk...?

Dirk put a hand on Kanaya's shoulder. Kanaya faltered, her smile fading. Rose sounded... Upset.

KANAYA: Rose We  
KANAYA: Rose We Almost Lost You  
KANAYA: We Saved You Do You Not Remember?

Rose looked down at her hands, astonished to see felt digits wiggling back at her. Kanaya whirled around to Dirk, realization spreading across her features in horror.

KANAYA: Dirk!  
KANAYA: _YOU DID NOT TELL HER?!_

Dirk opened his mouth to speak, but before she could, from the ground, a puppet was screaming at him.

ROSE: WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO TELL ME.  
ROSE: IN EXCRUTIATING DETAIL.  
ROSE: WHY.  
ROSE: THE FUCK.  
ROSE: AM I A _FUCKING PUPPET?!_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to TRAX for the header and chapter illustration! [Visit their blog!](https://timeisamanysplendoredthing.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Also try my twitter!](https://twitter.com/ThirstyBoyUSA)


End file.
